Thank you, Jo for sharing the realities of this life. We don’t do this enough, IMHO, especially us British. I’ve had a very similar few years and know the toll it takes, so I truly see and feel you!
I hope amidst the stress, the grief, the gripping, you can find moments for you and Charlie to soften after so much loss. Your body is telling you many stories by the sounds of it, I hope she is included in your softening - in the not knowing she’ll always point you home 💙
I smiled reading this because our body is so often the very last place we look for direction. Yet it is the Oracle! Oh, I saw the amazing crow post on your Instagram where he flew away with your glasses… which also made me smile…I’d love to know more Jo about how he appeared in your life. Have you read Grief Is The Thing With Feathers? 🪶
Also nodding knowingly - over a similar timeline my husband and I negotiated a long, seemingly never-ending path of uncertainty, chronic stress, loss and grief, which tore our mental health to shreds. We do seem to be on the other side of it now but there is a part of me, having lived for years watching the other shoe in a permanent state of suspension, that can’t quite believe it. Like you I’m also slowly reaching a point of acceptance that there will be bad days, bad years, etc - all we can do is enjoy this moment of peace before inevitably things change again! You are so right in that learning to embrace uncertainty and dance with life as it happens is half the battle won. ❤️
Nodding knowingly. My trials and tribulations are a little different and the timeline is different but I’m still walking a parallel path with you after all these years. Wondering where time has gone. Still and always grateful for your voice. Glad that y’all are in a better place.
We still walk together and you were in my thoughts as I wrote this, always aware that you have travelled far more traumatic parts of the route. It’s been a while, eh? I think I first saw your faces on my screen in 2002?
Have you listened to your fairy godchild's offering today? I think you've been sharing a vibe. She talks about 'investing' in a bank of tiny certainties, so that when you're faced with a big unknown, you can withdraw a few. Words to that effect. You know how fast she talks.
Anyway, yes to dancing with life as it happens. Yours does seem to happen a lot.
Our neighbour found him at the side of the road and, after giving his parents ample opportunity to take care of him, brought him home to raise. They worked most days and let him roam rather than confine him, and he would just hop over the hedge into our garden to spend the day with us. He’d nap on my shoulder, come with us on walks… he was wonderful! One day he joined his clan and never came back. He’ll still be out in the fields here and being a crow, no doubt remembers us!
I haven’t read that book, no, but like many other unread books it is on my shelf! Maybe now is the time.
Late to the party Jo but so much of your story resonates with me and has echoes in my own life. My baseline is uncertainty, I prefer to wing it and my partner craves certainty and is angered by change… we’ve had so much medical uncertainty and bereavement here that the only way I cope is by simply existing and looking for glimmers as we go. I also think it is impossible not to get angry and have melt downs occasionally too! I’m currently in the middle of clearing my borderline hoarder/definitely ND dad’s house and it is HARD. The ADHD thing checks out though, I was diagnosed in December, a month before turning 50 and woooooooo! That’s been a real eye-opener! Might sound weird but I’ve always thought I belonged in the past, prehistory to be precise, because that is where my skill set is most valued.
Thank you, Jo for sharing the realities of this life. We don’t do this enough, IMHO, especially us British. I’ve had a very similar few years and know the toll it takes, so I truly see and feel you!
I hope amidst the stress, the grief, the gripping, you can find moments for you and Charlie to soften after so much loss. Your body is telling you many stories by the sounds of it, I hope she is included in your softening - in the not knowing she’ll always point you home 💙
Going to check out the book too, thanks. X
My body is everything these days. Somatics, ecosomatics, is where I find my Self. So I’m loving your work!
I smiled reading this because our body is so often the very last place we look for direction. Yet it is the Oracle! Oh, I saw the amazing crow post on your Instagram where he flew away with your glasses… which also made me smile…I’d love to know more Jo about how he appeared in your life. Have you read Grief Is The Thing With Feathers? 🪶
I’m lost for words Jo. Going to stop feeling sorry for myself and do some learning, not least from missives like yours. Thanks for sharing that.
If I’ve rendered you lost for words, my work here is done!
I've found some words again – I greatly admire your resilience. And your work is not done because I'm of an age where I forget what I read yesterday!
Also nodding knowingly - over a similar timeline my husband and I negotiated a long, seemingly never-ending path of uncertainty, chronic stress, loss and grief, which tore our mental health to shreds. We do seem to be on the other side of it now but there is a part of me, having lived for years watching the other shoe in a permanent state of suspension, that can’t quite believe it. Like you I’m also slowly reaching a point of acceptance that there will be bad days, bad years, etc - all we can do is enjoy this moment of peace before inevitably things change again! You are so right in that learning to embrace uncertainty and dance with life as it happens is half the battle won. ❤️
Ah, the other shoe. I am - as they say - familiar with its work. Here’s to dancing barefoot when we can.
Nodding knowingly. My trials and tribulations are a little different and the timeline is different but I’m still walking a parallel path with you after all these years. Wondering where time has gone. Still and always grateful for your voice. Glad that y’all are in a better place.
We still walk together and you were in my thoughts as I wrote this, always aware that you have travelled far more traumatic parts of the route. It’s been a while, eh? I think I first saw your faces on my screen in 2002?
Have you listened to your fairy godchild's offering today? I think you've been sharing a vibe. She talks about 'investing' in a bank of tiny certainties, so that when you're faced with a big unknown, you can withdraw a few. Words to that effect. You know how fast she talks.
Anyway, yes to dancing with life as it happens. Yours does seem to happen a lot.
Really?? I'm off to take a look!
Our neighbour found him at the side of the road and, after giving his parents ample opportunity to take care of him, brought him home to raise. They worked most days and let him roam rather than confine him, and he would just hop over the hedge into our garden to spend the day with us. He’d nap on my shoulder, come with us on walks… he was wonderful! One day he joined his clan and never came back. He’ll still be out in the fields here and being a crow, no doubt remembers us!
I haven’t read that book, no, but like many other unread books it is on my shelf! Maybe now is the time.
Late to the party Jo but so much of your story resonates with me and has echoes in my own life. My baseline is uncertainty, I prefer to wing it and my partner craves certainty and is angered by change… we’ve had so much medical uncertainty and bereavement here that the only way I cope is by simply existing and looking for glimmers as we go. I also think it is impossible not to get angry and have melt downs occasionally too! I’m currently in the middle of clearing my borderline hoarder/definitely ND dad’s house and it is HARD. The ADHD thing checks out though, I was diagnosed in December, a month before turning 50 and woooooooo! That’s been a real eye-opener! Might sound weird but I’ve always thought I belonged in the past, prehistory to be precise, because that is where my skill set is most valued.
We certainly do live. And if we’re lucky, thrive.
I love that saying! Enjoy Newfoundland x